RG Random Joke Archive Options

[HappyBuddha]

Q: How can u spot a tough Lesbian Bar?

A: Even the pool tables don't have balls.

[desireless]

An old, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by cheque. "I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

[gohks]

A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia..

He was having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam at the
hotel's coffee house.

A Malaysian man who was chewing gum, sat down next to him &
started a casual conversation.

Malaysian : "You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?"

Singaporean : "Of course."

Malaysian : "We don't. In Malaysia, we only eat what's inside.
The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into
croissants & sell them across to Singapore."

The Malaysian then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean
listened in silence.

Malaysian : "Do you eat the jam with the bread?"

Singaporean : "Of course."

Malaysian (chuckling): "We don't. In Malaysia, we eat fresh fruit for
breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds & other left-overs in a
container, recycle them, transform them into jam,..... before we sell
it across to Singapore."

This time, the Singaporean retorted : "Do you have sex in Malaysia?"

Malaysian : "Why, of course we do"

Singaporean : "Do you wear protection"

Malaysian : "Of course! We wear condoms."

Singaporean : "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Malaysian : "Stupid question ! Of course we throw them away."

Singaporean : "We don't. In Singapore, the government secretly puts
them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum &
sell them across to Malaysia,... & that's the real reason why we
banned chewing gum in Singapore."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

not bad.................CHINGLISH

This is funny only us S'poreans can come up with this, even an Englishman
could not construct sentences using numeric...

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This was
what
he came up with... 1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But
the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to
5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab
some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run
away.
So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I called
my boss and say I am 6 . He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4
work. He also asked me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I am
so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

This post has been edited by gohks: Wed, 30 Aug 2006 11:57 am