RG Random Joke Archive Options

[HappyBuddha]

Q: How can u spot a tough Lesbian Bar?

A: Even the pool tables don't have balls.

[CP]

Some Malaysian jokes to help those who have yet to recover from the shocking results of Malaysian General election 2008:




1. Pak Lah, Najib and Samy Vellu were together in a helicopter doing some patrolling.
Samy Vellu says, "If I throw $1000 down there, the one who picks it up must be very happy."
Najib says, "If I throw two pieces of $500 notes down there, there will be two people who will be very happy."
Pak Lah says, "If I throw ten pieces of $100 notes down there, there will be ten people who will be very happy."

At this time, the helicopter pilot mumbles to himself, "Why not throw yourselves down there, and let 21 million people be very happy?"

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2. Samy Vellu hopes to improve his reputation by releasing a series of stamps with his picture on them. After more than a month, Sami Vellu wanted to see how was the stamps sales like.

Samy Vellu: How is the sales?
Head of postal service: Not bad, just that there are complaints that the stamps don't stick tightly enough.
Samy Vellu: How can that be?

Samy Vellu takes a stamp, applies some saliva on its back and tries to stick it to an envelope.

Samy Vellu: Doesn't it stick tightly that way?
Head of postal service: But...everyone...spat their saliva on the front side...

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3. Late at night, Najib went to buy supper. On his way, he met a robber.
The robber pointed his gun to Najib and says, "Hand me all your money!"
Najib says angrily, "What kind of attitude is this? I'm the deputy prime minister!"
The robber says, "Oh, then....hand me back MY money."

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4. One day, the prime minister, parliment members and other officials were on their way to attend a conference by car. A chain accident happened and all of them were sent to the hospital. Many reporters rushed to the hospital.

After a while, the doctor came out of the emergency room. A reporter asked, "Doctor! Doctor! Can the prime minister be saved?"
The doctor shook his head saying, "Sigh...the prime minister can't be saved..."
The reporter asked, "Doctor! Doctor! Can Najib be saved?"
The doctor again shook his head saying, "Sigh...he too can't be saved..."
The reporter then asked, "Then....who can be saved?"
The doctor says cheerfully, "Malaysia can be saved!"

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5. One day Samy Vellu went to a mental hospital for an official visit. All the patients cheered along the corridor, "Long live Samy Vellu! Long live Samy Vellu!"
Only one patient had no expression on his face, ignoring Samy Vellu completely.
Samy Vellu saw him and asked the hospital chief, "Why is that patient not cheering for me?"
The hospital chief replied, "That's because his mental health is very normal."

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6. An election campaign vehicle was carrying Samy Vellu and his election team to a village for a rally. Unfortunately, the vehicle overturned on a road leading up to the hills. A farmer who was working nearby saw the incident and quickly rushed over, but all the people on the vehicle were dead. So, he digged a hole and buried the politicians.

After a few days, a policeman in charge of investigating the accident found the farmer. He asked the farmer where the politicians were. The farmer told him that they were buried.

The policeman asked immediately, "Were they all dead?"
The farmer answered, "Hmm...I saw Samy Vellu yelling at me that he wasn't dead yet when I buried him."
The policeman asked, "Then why did you bury him?"
The farmer said, "You should have known better. This Samy Vellu never tells the truth."